Ben.P, Opinion Satire

9/19/24

Lately, reports from multiple cities near military bases have reported large drops in Canadian geese populations. There can only be one answer for it, they are getting ready to weaponize them. The benefits of weaponizing them are almost infinite so let's talk about them.

Canadian geese are entities of pure evil and hatred that if weaponized could bring down multiple countries and maybe even the world. The US government weaponizing them is a play to stop the war in Ukraine & Israel vs Palestine conflict because if we get them first it would put us in a bigger lead than when we had the nuclear bomb. Places like Brazil already use them as prison guard geese instead of dogs. So it would make sense that we got the idea from them.

Some people at Classen have even seen it happen here in OKC!

Fear

"Okay, sir, I'm here to interview you about the geese being taken out of the ponds. What do you have to say about that?"

"They are going to use these h*ll demons, these h*llspawn, to take our freedom and our country's rights."

"So do you think they're going to take it to turn the country from a democracy into a dictatorship so that they can have more control?"

"D*mn right."

"So what do you think the effects of other effects of weaponizing Canadian Geese would be for the US, government, and military?"

"It will be a lot harder to hit them with golf clubs; they will kill us.

"Sir, I don't think that's on topic."

"You have no idea what I've seen." "Boy, I have seen horrible things at ponds."

"So what do you think about us weaponizing Canadian Geese for the war in Ukraine and the ISRAEL PALESTINE conflict?"

" What do you think the US government will do with the weaponized geese to help them?"

" We're gonna make a new Geneva Convention." "That's what I think."

"You think we're gonna add more war crimes to the Geneva Convention for geese?"

"Yes, sir, isn't that biological weapons?"

"Maybe, I don't know." "So do you think the geese would make the wars in those places one-sided for the good side, or what we think the good side is?"

"Yes, very much".

"So they will absolutely slaughter whoever's in their way. "

"So final statement from you, sir, do you think this will be a net positive for our world or a net negative for our world?"

"Anything involving those darn Canadian geese will be a net negative for our beautiful green earth. "

"Thank you, sir, that's all the time I'm going to take up from you."

Thank you Raign Lewis for the interview!

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